My Wish

Here is my wish. I just want to be loved for who I am. Truly loved with out restraint, without games, without shame. I just want someone to enjoy this beautiful world with and it just seems like the fucking hardest thing to do. If you are feeling it the other person isnt. Or there is some major problem. Nothing ever seems to work out and after dating for so long( I am still young) I get exhausted of the whole fucking process. I just want someone I can grow with. Someone to learn from. Someone who changes me and opens my eyes to the world around me and someone I can do that with. Why are these impossible things to ask for? Does anyone know? How do you find someone who has those qualities. Who doesnt give up and someone who tries! Let me know!

A note about PROCRASTINATION!

So currently I am sitting in a coffee shop writing a paper that is due on the 31st. It is only 10 pages and I have 4 done. Honestly I am not procrastinating. Ok no seriously I am. As far as procrastination goes I have discovered that the only people it serves are those at the coffee shop who are bored or not working and dont mind talking to someone who is slightly interesting. So I have been chatting up this cool Australian woman for about an hour now, deftly avoiding my paper. So the note about procrastination is this....GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! If only I could take my own advice:)

The state of being that is now

I want to start of by stating that I am not a blogger, I know that currently I am blogging and starting a blog, but I am not one of those people seeking a healthy outlet for my rage, emotions, opinions, perspectives. I have a journal for that. But recently I was dumped and his parting words to me where, " you are such a good person, you should teach classes." While minus the jerkiness aside, it reminded me of something my mom told me when I was younger which is this, the best way to serve other people, is to work on yourself. Make yourself a better person, who has a large capacity to love, who poses grace, compassion, and understanding. And then she handed me Nelson Mandela's speech which is a poem written by Marianne Williamson. So I have posted it here as the first bit of advice that I have for those of you out there seeking another way of life.
Disclaimer: I dont have all the answers, actually I dont have any answers, I just have suggestions of things that have worked for me, and of qualities and traits I seek in others. So please dont look at this blog as pretenious cause it isnt about that. It is about seeking out new ways to be in relationship with the world and with others. So again please dont take this as me telling you that you are doing it wrong. I am simply stating the ways in which I have discovered doing things that make me a happier, healthy human.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.